My first reaction to my illness was anger and depression. I knew what had happened to me in childhood and was angry that this abuse had resulted in so much pain and distress with no recourse to the perpetrators. I attempted to discuss the childhood events with my brother (one of the abusers) and my mother (who allowed it to occur) but their attitude was that "nothing had happened".
I was also depressed about my condition. I had worked so hard for over thirty years and had, at last come within reach of commencing my "true career" of helping others regain health. Now, I was unable to work or study, had little hope of supporting myself, had been in constant pain for over thirty years, and saw all my dreams and aspirations fading away.
Medical practitioners consider endogenous depression to be a symptom of Parkinson’s disease. I believe that depression usually occurs as a result of Parkinson’s disease symptoms. The degeneration of Parkinson’s disease causes frustration, humiliation and enhances the "I used to syndrome" - I used to be able to work hard, run, dance, make love, laugh, debate, take care of myself and others. Of course we become depressed at times.
I had sought counselling for various issues during the prodromal period but, now that I could focus on a particular life condition and the events surrounding it, I felt that I needed some form of counselling which would enable me to dig very deeply into my emotional subconscious without necessarily reliving all the past event which were so painful and frightening. Flower Essences seemed to be worth a try.
Peter Clarke is a remarkable man who has a vast knowledge of Flower Essences and the emotional and spiritual conditions related to each. I saw him monthly for about two years, plumbing the depths of my darkest being, and glimpsed the brightness of what I can and will be.
At each session, Peter would lead me in a discussion of my physical and emotional health over the previous month, often relating feelings and events back to earlier life happenings. We explored dreams, emotional outbursts and states, physical conditions as they seemed to be causing or related to emotional states, hopes and aspirations.
After the discussion, I would go through about 150 photos of flowers, choosing those which either attracted or repelled me strongly. I would then choose the 4 or 5 flowers with the strongest attraction.
Peter explained the emotional meaning of each flower and, invariably, those I had chosen reflected my positive and negative feelings at the time. For the ensuing month, I would take the essences of the 5 strongest flowers I had chosen and keep notes on my emotional states in a diary I kept of my progress during this journey.
Flower essences are subtle liquid extracts containing the life energy or resonance of the original flower. They are vibrational in nature in that there is no measurable amount of the original substance in the dosage liquid, yet each drop contains the whole character of the flower. It is as if each drop is contains a holographic image of the nature and character of the flower.
Flower essences work deeply and subtly to assist emotional growth, turning negative feelings to positive and rebalancing our emotional state.
Flower essence therapy remained the most important emotional therapy for me during my journey. However, I also received counselling from Marg Wood during my homeopathic consultations as she is a qualified counselor. Marg often helped me to understand emotional issues which were inhibiting my physical progress, and to redirect negative emotions into positive channels.
I also sought help from a psychiatrist for a short period. This was not a happy experience. The psychiatrist took many notes, rarely made eye contact, made no attempt to make an emotional contact (in contrast to Marg and Peter who made me feel wanted and important each time I saw them), and concentrated on my negative emotions and "blame-laying" rather than helping me achieve positive outcomes. After four weeks, I felt that I was wasting my money and ceased the sessions.
I am sure that there are many caring, positive psychiatrists, but I was unlucky in not finding one.
Facing the emotional issues was a very important part of my restoration. Without the process of putting the past into perspective, restructuring my life to spend time with those who love me unconditionally rather than those family members and acquaintances who liked me around for what I could contribute to their lives, and finding strength and beauty within myself, I could not have achieved complete health.
REFERENCES
Some sections of this page contain extracts from
"Flower Essence Repertory" by Patricia Kaminski & Richard Katz, published by The Flower Essence Society, California, U.S.A. 1994
"PARKINSON'S DISEASE, Etiology, Prognosis and Treatment from Medical and Naturopathic Perspectives" by John Coleman, unpublished, 1998. |
